Why Your Toddler Hits (And How Quality Childcare Teaches Kindness Instead)
Your toddler just grabbed a toy from another child at the playground. Again.
You feel the judgment from other parents. You've tried timeout. You've tried explaining. You've said "use your words" so many times it's lost all meaning. Nothing seems to stick.
You wonder: Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong? Will my child struggle socially forever?
Here's what most parents don't realize: Kindness isn't something you can lecture into a 2-year-old. It's something they learn by DOING—in the right environment, with the right support, over and over again.
And that's exactly what quality early childhood programs understand.
Why Traditional Approaches Don't Work
Let's be honest about what happens when we tell a toddler to "be nice" or "share."
Their brain literally isn't wired yet for abstract concepts like that. When you say "be nice," they don't know what actions that actually means. When you say "use your words," they might not have the words to use. Their vocabulary for emotions is still building—they can't express "I feel frustrated when you took my toy" because they don't have language for frustrated yet.
Timeouts? They teach compliance. They teach "I got caught." But they don't teach empathy. They don't teach what TO do instead of hitting or grabbing.
And here's something parents are often surprised to learn: screens can't teach real social skills. Even educational programs can't replicate what happens when two toddlers both want the same toy and have to figure it out together. That kind of problem-solving, that kind of emotional growth? It only happens through real human interaction.
When a child is repeatedly told "be nice" but doesn't know HOW, they feel frustrated and ashamed—not motivated to change.
Quality early childhood programs understand child development. They don't just manage behavior—they teach skills in the moment, when emotions are real and stakes feel high to little ones.
What "Hearts & Hugs" Actually Teaches
At TAG Academy, our February theme is called "Hearts & Hugs." And no, it's not just about Valentine's Day crafts and pink decorations—though we'll have those too.
It's about building the real skills behind kindness. Skills that toddlers and preschoolers can actually USE when conflict happens, when feelings get big, when they need to navigate the complicated world of friendships.
Here's what we're actually teaching:
Emotional Vocabulary
Before kids can "use their words," they need the words.
We teach children to name what they're feeling: frustrated, excited, disappointed, proud, worried, angry, happy. Not just "good" or "bad." The specific feeling.
When a child can say "I feel mad when you took my toy," they're halfway to solving the problem. They're building emotional intelligence that will serve them for life.
Our teachers model this constantly. "I see you're feeling frustrated because your tower fell down." "You look excited about playing outside!" "That disappointed feeling when we have to stop playing—that's hard."
We're giving them the language they need before we expect them to use it.
Perspective-Taking
This is a big developmental leap for young children: understanding that someone else has feelings too. That those feelings matter. That their actions affect other people.
We help kids practice this through simple questions: "Look at your friend's face. How do you think they feel right now?" "What happened when you pushed? What did your friend do?"
We use books, role-playing, and real-life moments to help children start seeing beyond their own immediate wants. It's not something they master overnight. But with consistent practice in a supportive environment, it starts to click.
Just last week, one of our 3-year-olds noticed a friend was upset during circle time. Without being prompted, she got up, brought over the friend's favorite book, and sat next to her quietly. Six months ago, this same child struggled with sharing and often played alone.
That's growth. That's what happens when kindness is taught as a skill, not demanded as compliance.
Helpful Actions
"Be helpful" means nothing to a toddler. But "Can you hold the door for your friend?" is concrete. Actionable. Something they can DO.
We teach what helping actually looks like through real tasks throughout the day:
Holding doors open
Helping clean up toys together
Sharing materials during art projects
Comforting a friend who's upset
Offering a toy to someone waiting for a turn
We build confidence through competence. When a child successfully helps someone and sees the positive impact, they want to do it again. It feels good to be capable, to be someone who helps.
During snack time last week, one of our toddlers wanted crackers but they were across the table. Instead of reaching and grabbing, he looked at his friend and said, "Please pass crackers." When his friend handed them over, he said "Thank you!" without any prompting.
His parents told us he started doing this at home too. Because he practiced it dozens of times at school, with real food, with real friends, in real moments. That's how skills transfer.
Problem-Solving Together
Here's where it gets really powerful: two kids want the same toy. Now what?
At TAG, our teachers don't immediately solve the problem. They facilitate.
"Hmm. You both want the blue paint. That's tricky. What could we do about this?"
At first, kids look at us blankly. They're used to adults swooping in and solving everything. But we wait. We support. We offer prompts if needed.
"Could you take turns? Could you both use blue? Could one of you choose a different color right now?"
And you know what happens? Kids start figuring it out.
Two of our preschoolers both wanted the same puzzle yesterday. The teacher asked, "How can we solve this?" After some thinking, one said, "We can do it together!" And they did. They worked on the puzzle side-by-side, taking turns placing pieces.
These aren't just cute moments. These are life skills. Kids who learn empathy, cooperation, and problem-solving at age 3? They're set up for success in kindergarten—and beyond.
What This Looks Like in Our Screen-Free Environment
Here's something important: none of this works if kids are distracted by screens.
Real social-emotional growth happens in real time, with real people. It requires eye contact, facial expressions, body language, tone of voice. It requires being present.
When conflicts happen—and they will, because that's how kids learn—teachers need to be right there, facilitating in the moment. Not managing screen time or dealing with kids arguing over whose turn it is on a tablet.
Our screen-free environment at TAG means kids are engaging with each other all day long. They're building towers together. They're negotiating roles in dramatic play. They're working through the complicated feelings that come up when you're learning to be part of a community.
And our small class sizes mean teachers can actually support each child through these moments. We can notice when someone's getting frustrated before it escalates. We can celebrate when a child makes a kind choice. We can sit with two kids working through a conflict instead of just separating them.
This is what quality early childhood education looks like. Not crowd control. Not just keeping kids safe while parents work. But intentional, individualized support for real growth.
What Parents Can Do at Home
You don't need to be an early childhood educator to support your child's social-emotional development. Here are some strategies we use at TAG that work beautifully at home too:
Name Emotions Out Loud
When you see your child experiencing a feeling, name it for them. "I see you're feeling frustrated because your tower fell down." "You look so proud of that drawing!" "That disappointed feeling when we have to leave the park—that's really hard."
You're building the vocabulary they need. Eventually, they'll start naming their own feelings. And that's when they can start managing them.
Model Helping Behaviors
Kids learn what they see. When you help someone, narrate it: "I'm going to help Grandma carry these bags. Want to help too?" "I noticed our neighbor's trash can blew over. Let's go set it back up for them."
Show them what kindness looks like in action. They'll copy you.
Read Books About Feelings
Stories create a safe space to discuss emotions and social situations. After reading, ask questions: "How do you think that character felt when that happened?" "What would you do in that situation?"
Books give kids practice thinking about feelings and friendship without the pressure of a real conflict.
Practice Problem-Solving
When conflict happens between siblings or during playdates, resist the urge to immediately fix it. Instead, ask: "You both want the red marker. What could we do about this?"
Offer prompts if they're stuck: "Could you take turns? Could you both draw on the same paper?"
Let them struggle a bit. Let them figure it out. That's where growth happens.
Catch Kindness in Action
When you see your child being kind, name it specifically. "You shared your snack with your brother! That was kind. I bet he felt happy about that." "You noticed I was carrying a lot and you opened the door for me. That was so helpful."
Specific praise teaches kids what kindness actually looks like. And kids repeat behaviors that get noticed and celebrated.
At TAG, we use these same strategies—but in a community setting where kids practice with peers all day long. That's the power of quality early childhood education. The repetition. The peer modeling. The real-time coaching when emotions are high and learning is happening.
The Difference Quality Programs Make
Your child isn't "bad" when they struggle with kindness. They're learning. And they learn best in environments designed for exactly that.
Quality early childhood programs don't just keep kids safe while you work. They build the foundation for every friendship, every collaboration, every relationship your child will have.
When you're touring childcare programs, ask questions like:
"How do you handle conflicts between children?"
"What does social-emotional learning look like in your classroom?"
"How do you teach kindness and empathy?"
Strong programs won't just say "we teach them to be nice." They'll describe specific strategies. They'll talk about facilitating problem-solving. They'll mention emotional vocabulary and perspective-taking.
Because they understand that kindness is a skill you teach—not a rule you enforce.
See Kindness Education in Action at TAG
At TAG Academy in Lexington, SC, we believe every child is talented and gifted in their own way—including in their capacity for kindness, empathy, and care for others.
Our Hearts & Hugs theme is just one example of how we weave social-emotional learning into every single day. Through hands-on, screen-free, play-based learning, we help children build the skills they need not just for kindergarten, but for life.
We're not just teaching kids to follow rules. We're teaching them to be thoughtful, caring humans who know how to navigate relationships, manage big feelings, and show up for each other.
Want to see how we teach kindness in action?
Schedule a tour this week: 📞 Call: 803-752-KIDS 🌐 Visit: www.tagsc.net 📍 Located in Lexington, South Carolina
Come see our classrooms. Meet our teachers. Watch how we facilitate real learning moments. Ask us anything—we love talking about child development and what makes our approach different.
See if TAG is the right fit for your family.
Because your child deserves more than just childcare. They deserve an environment where they can truly grow—socially, emotionally, and academically.
We currently have spots available for: 🍼 Infants (6 weeks+) 👶 Toddlers 🎨 Preschoolers 📚 Pre-K
